If you’re like most people after a breakup, you probably need some time to process and regroup before heading back into the trenches of modern dating. For others, however, the solution seems to be getting right back out there without skipping a beat (looking at you, serial daters). While not everyone needs months to cry with Taylor Swift’s breakup ballads in the background, there are some reasons to be cautious about dating someone who just got out of a relationship.
Sleeping alone again or making a weekly farmers market trip solo can be really difficult after a relationship ends. Even if a breakup was hard, though, it’s still a natural response to want companionship when things end with a partner, says professional matchmaker and dating coach Anika Walker. “After going through a breakup we all ask ourselves the same question: When am I going to get back out there and date?” she says.
With this in mind, it’s understandable that you might be pursued by a recently single person — but should you date someone who just got out of a relationship? Read on for all the expert advice you’ll need to consider before you take the leap.
Drawbacks To Dating Someone Who’s Newly Single
Before proceeding with a new connection that just went through a breakup, it’s important to consider the potential risks. Relationship expert and dating coach Alexis Germany explains that people who constantly feel the need to be boo’d up might have some deep-rooted issues that need to be addressed before they say “thank you, next” and hit you up. “It’s a major red flag if someone is super eager to commit immediately following a relationship,” she says. “The ‘always in a relationship’ type often fears being alone and may just use the new partner as a crutch.”
Your potential partner could also be looking to get into a new relationship as a form of revenge or to hurt their ex for a variety of reasons, says Germany. “If you are considering dating someone who just got cheated on or is leaving a very toxic situation, I say run — that person needs time to heal.” Relationship expert and dating coach Jennifer Hurvitz shares this sentiment. “Taking some time to reflect on your part in your breakup and accepting accountability before swiping again is a must — it's a huge red flag if you go out with someone who is still badmouthing their ex,” she tells Bustle. Even if their ex was guilty of cheating or emotional abuse, moving on too quickly in the name of spite can be a surefire sign that your S.O. hasn’t fully processed and recovered from that experience.