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The Free Dating Coach That’s Already on Your Phone - THE CUT



The best place to unload the good, the bad, and the toxic about dating these days? DatingTok. It’s a tangled web of “icks” (translation: niche turnoffs), relatable ghosting stories, “situationships,” comparison traps (i.e. “if they wanted to, they would’ve”), and the occasional fairy-tale ending. The hashtag #DatingTok has 164.9 million views alone, with related hashtags like #AttachmentStyle racking up 372.3 million views.

However, unlike when you’re trading war stories with your girlfriends on Instagram Close Friends, DatingTok has real licensed dating coaches in the mix.

Which means instead of writing into a column with your woes like our single ancestors before us — and then waiting for a (maybe) response — you can readily access experts for free from your couch. These DatingTok coaches review real-life dating profiles with tips on what to try (and what to avoid) for maximum swipes, give you scripts for canceling a date, and generally help you navigate the messiness of looking for love in 2022. And based on the comments, the advice is very needed. Responses range from “I’m really anxious about everything and this made me feel better” to “Watching your videos makes me a little less scared of relationships.” But this is still TikTok we’re talking about, where anyone can upload “advice” claiming to be an expert. So we tapped a few of the most popular — and legit —dating coaches to get the best the app has to offer.

Limit yourself to three nonnegotiables.

In a perfect world, your match would share the same taste in true-crime podcasts, have an amazing relationship with their family, vote the same way you do, and agree on where to set the thermostat. But the truth is that all of those traits can’t be nonnegotiable. You’re looking for a real live person to fall in love with, not a carefully crafted TV character.

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To help her clients identify which of their nonnegotiables are true deal-breakers, dating coach Alexis Germany suggests listing everything you’re looking for in a romantic partner: personality, height, political affiliation, Enneagram number, age, education level, etc.

Then rank them. Which three rise to the top? Those are what anyone you date seriously has to have, she says.


Germany met her now-husband with her top three as a guide: (1) someone who cares about family, (2) makes her feel special and prioritized, and (3) has a religion they believe in. The rest of your wants are nice to find but shouldn’t knock a potential match out of contention.

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